On Sunday I received a call from a close friend. Ray was calling from the hospital, awaiting surgery later this week to have his stomach removed due to Cancer. Ray lives 2500 miles away yet we have remained friends since I left Pittsburgh in 1983. He was always the strongest man that I know, physically imposing and mentally strong. Thinking of him in a hospital bed and unable to eat or drink is such a contrast of what I know Ray to be that I was stunned.
During our conversation I was at a loss to offer anything comforting. I just felt powerless and I am sure Ray needed or wanted more than that from me. After hanging up I began to beat myself up. Why haven't I called more? It was easy to avoid due to the time difference but now that excuse rings hollow. Now that the shock has passed, I will be the friend that Ray needs.
I've had similar emotions in the not so distant past. I was in a hospital bed awaiting surgery for a stent in my heart on Christmas Day, 2013. More recently I was treated with radiation and injections for prostate cancer. Both times I felt weak and helpless, not just physically but mentally. With too much time and uncertain outcomes I focused on the things that I should have done better. The list was long each time. My promise today is to often refer to this entry and recognize that everything that I do matters, to quit having excuses for not being a better friend, husband, father, coworker, employee, or member of my community. I hope that you reflect upon what I have written so you too can live a rich life without those regrets that really seem to come at some of the most crucial periods of our lives.
In closing I ask that you pray for Ray to have a healthy recovery, adjust well to the changes that he will have to make and that between now and his surgery tomorrow that he is free from fear and feels the love of God.
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